


And everywhere that Mary went

by msraven



Series: Not afraid to hope [3]
Category: Mission: Impossible - Ghost Protocol (2011), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Clint Barton is William Brandt, Established Relationship, Fix-It, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-13
Updated: 2012-09-13
Packaged: 2017-11-14 04:20:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,009
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/511246
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/msraven/pseuds/msraven
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"You knew, didn't you?  You knew he was in love with you."</p><p>Sometimes, even Phil was allowed to freak out for no reason.</p>
            </blockquote>





	And everywhere that Mary went

**Author's Note:**

> This isn't the mission fic people have asked for, but I really needed to write it.
> 
> A little angst and a whole lot of fluff/sap.

"You know she'll kill you if she finds out." Coulson said to his husband. Clint had just told him that Ethan would be stopping by tomorrow and staying for dinner with the Avengers. 

"Since I'm not doing anything, there's no reason to kill me," Clint responded as he shrugged off his shirt and pulled on a pair of sleep pants.

"Hmmm. So you're not purposely inventing reasons for Ethan and Natasha to spend time together?" Phil asked. 

"I'm purposely spending time with a friend," Clint corrected. "If my best friend just happens to be there too and they get along, well…"

"Clint," Phil warned.

"Phiiiillll…" Clint teased before he sighed. "It's just...he deserves someone, you know?"

Phil looked closely at his husband, trying to decipher what he saw there. When he realized what it was, his knees gave out and he sat heavily on the edge of the bed.

"You knew, didn't you? You knew he was in love with you." Phil closed his eyes against the sudden reminder of everything he could have lost.

"Yes," Clint answered as he sat next to Phil. "Does it matter?"

"Yes! No. I -" Phil rubbed a hand over his face. Of course he knew. Phil's not sure why he'd deluded himself into thinking otherwise. "Did you think about it?"

"Will considered it, yes."

Phil stood and walked jerkily to the dresser, needing the distance. He knew that he had no right to be upset by this, but couldn't fight the fear and anger trying to crawl out of his chest.

"You know you're not actually different people," Phil spat. He turned to face the bed with his fists clenched. He pressed against the dresser, feeling the edge of it dig into his back and using it like an anchor.

"I know that, Phil. That's exactly what I'm trying to tell you." Clint continued to look at him calmly from where he'd stayed sitting on the bed. "I'm not going to lie to you. Yes, Brandt thought about it. And Brandt probably would have acted on it eventually. But I was never _just_ Brandt. All those years? I was always Clint Barton _pretending_ to be William Brandt."

Clint stood and walked cautiously toward Phil. "I went to sleep every night wondering if I'd wake up as William Brandt. If I'd stop being Clint Barton, stop being Phil Coulson's husband. I waited and, yeah, there were a lot of days when I wanted to wake up as Brandt. Because being Barton, being me without you, that hurt every single day." 

Phil flinched, looked down at his feet, and forced his hands to relax. The raw pain in his husband's eyes was too much to take and he felt his anger slip away. Clint stepped closer, cupped Phil's jaw with his hand, and gently lifted his head. He waited until Phil met his eyes before he continued in a near-whisper.

"It never happened. It took me a long time to accept that it never would and I didn't want it to. No matter what I chose to call myself or what I did with the rest of my life, deep down, I would always be Clint Barton. And a big part of being Clint Barton is loving you. Those were the worst years of my life, but it helped me see one irrefutable fact: I am going to love Phil Coulson until the day _I_ die."

Phil crushed their mouths together. He couldn't speak past the lump in his throat, so he poured all of his emotion and love into this kiss. Clint kissed back with equal fervor and it felt like the first few days after Phil's return, when they were desperate to reassure themselves it was real. 

They eventually pulled apart and Phil buried his face in the crook of Clint's neck. "I'm sorry," he said, voice still choked with unspoken emotion.

"For what?" Clint asked softly as he rubbed soothing circles on Phil's back. "For dying or for freaking out just now? Or for my not being able to get over you?"

"All of it," Phil sighed. He placed a soft kiss against Clint's neck before he pulled away and led them back to sit on the edge of the bed. He clasped their hands together tightly and gathered his thoughts. "I never would have asked you to stay alone."

"I know that, Phil," Clint responded. "But it is what it is. I'm not deluding myself that it won't happen again - we still live dangerous lives. It doesn't change the fact that there will never be anyone else for me, but you. I'm also not asking the same of you."

Phil shook his head. "That ship sailed a long time ago." 

Clint smiled and pulled at their hands until they fell back on the bed in an uncomfortable sprawl. He laughed as Phil poked and prodded him further up the bed. Phil maneuvered them until they were facing each other under the blanket, their joined hands in the small space between them. 

"I still don't know what I've done to deserve you."

"Don't be deliberately dense, Phil. You know." Clint reached up and placed his free hand over Phil's heart. "You've always been able to see me, to understand me, and fell in love with me anyway. You make me want to be a better person because _you_ are the best person I've ever known. You make me feel safe. You make me feel loved. You make me whole."

Phil placed his hand over Clint's. "I love you. You make it easy to love you. The man you say I see? He's the brightest part of my world. You cut through all the darkness with your hands and with your heart. There has never been and never will be a day that I don't love you."

Clint leaned over for another kiss before they re-settled with his head on Phil's chest. He slept, confident in the knowledge that he'd wake as Clint Barton - Avenger, agent, sniper, and always Phil Coulson's husband.


End file.
